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Strategies to help with pregnancy after loss

Pregnancy after loss

Getting that much yearned for positive pregnancy test brings utter joy but if you are pregnant after loss there’s no escaping the fear you may have to go through it all again.  
I got pregnant out of the blue after four losses, you can read my full story here.
My reaction was a combination of unbelievable joy and terrifying fear.
Without really thinking about it I put some strategies in place to ease the journey, keep my sanity and ensure my anxiety didn’t completely take over.

Tell people only when you are ready

We made a decision to tell our parents after a few weeks, then our closest family and friends after the 12 weeks scan. We didn’t tell our wider circle of friends until we were six months pregnant. You really have to do what works for you. For some that will be telling everyone from the word go and others not telling anyone until you have your baby in your arms.

Do everything in your own time

Two months before Seth was born we had no nursery, no pram, no cot and one baby grow stuffed in the back of a draw. We tried to go to Ikea to look at nursery furniture and I had a complete meltdown; it was just too soon. 
After Christmas I knew I didn’t have long to go, Seth was due in March,  so I then felt it was the right time to get prepared.  

Social media is a tricky place

As we all know social media can be the worst thing and the best thing when you are struggling with something. It’s a place to find support and inspiration but it can easily make anxiety much worse. I was very careful who I was following, what I was listening and what I was watching. 

Take care of each other

My husband admitted to me recently how stressed he had been throughout the pregnancy, ‘I just thought if we lost him it would break you,’ he told me.
This didn’t surprise me, I knew he was also finding it incredibly hard. The whole thing is so tough for women and men in different ways. 
Something as simple as regularly checking in with each other and asking how the other is doing I found was really helpful. 

Make sure your midwife/consultant know

Don’t assume that those looking after you will know all of your history. So for example my consultant knew everything as she had been treating us for a number of years and had all our notes. However when I went to be booked in by my midwife she had no idea what our history was at that point and it was the same when we went in for delivery.

And finally …..

It is worth taking a step back and looking the huge challenge facing you. It’s physically hard and mentally tough. Do all the self care you can and be kind to yourself – it’s really not easy. 

If you have any other tips, have experienced this yourself or know of any good resources to help please leave a comment below.

I’ve put some links to charities that can help with issues raised above.

10 thoughts on “Strategies to help with pregnancy after loss

  1. I remember feeling like that during my pregnancy with my second son after just one missed miscarriage. I can’t imagine going through it after your previous losses. We lost our 3rd son, 5th pregnancy, at 20 weeks and as much as another baby would be very loved, we can’t face the fear and anxiety of another pregnancy.
    Well done for taking your time and being patient with yourself.

  2. I have been blessed enough to never go through a miscarriage, but in my second pregnancy I was apparently in the at risk category due to my age and other medical issues, so I was super anxious and followed some of the same strategies you mentioned. We didn’t tell anyone except immediate family, so for those who didn’t see us in those nine months and didn’t see the growing bump it came as a complete surprise, but I just didn’t want to ‘jinx’ anything.

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